break-up: the first day

we broke up last night. it's one of the hardest thing, you know, breaking up. and it's also unfair. we don't deserve this. he said he's changed but i know, deep down, that's not true. he's just hiding the fact that he's doing this for his family. i woke up at 6 AM and then, started crying. this is new to me, crying when you woke up. i just held minnie.. and cry. crying is my refuge. i think when people cry it washes away a little part of your sadness. maybe if i cry all day the pain wouldn't be there anymore. but then i know that i'm just bitterly joking myself.

i don't understand the fact that he can let me go. i thought he loved me, but all he ever say is sorry, and that he loves me, and that things have changed.

he said that he doesn't deserve me. and swears that he'll be a better man for me. doesn't he know it?? i don't think any man could be better. and about the changes, I'll cope with it. i can understand.

why this? why break up? now i have to tell this to mama and everyone. but then, i don't think i can. it just makes it so.. so.. official.